Whats your relationship to excitment? - The Burning Question Series

Well... My relationship to excitement is detached.

I'm not one to get all "woohoo!!!" about things.

I used to be. My kids are. My husband is. I am the sole and solitary sound of realism in my house.

At work.. well, there are very few things to be excited about. I've felt for a long time that if you don't get too excited, than you don't get too disappointed. 


I'm the solid, reasonable, steady person in my home, in my social circles. This has served me, and those around me, well. At least I thought it has.

In reality, maybe it has dampened my enthusiasm. Maybe I've become less passionate about things. Maybe I burn less brightly than I should because I am so far "down to earth". Maybe I murder the fun in my home sometimes.. and limit myself to ideas that are less exciting but more realistic.

Is that what I want? What I really, deep down, firing from the ground up, want? 


So my real answer this week is:


My relationship to excitement is damaged... and I need to set about fixing it right away.
Starting with little things, like getting really excited about Easter.. and Passover ( Mmm Curry).. and dinner.. and new episodes of favorite shows.. and other things that ( if I let them) make my soul say "WooHoo!" just a little. 





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The Boat I Need To Burn ( as soon as I arrive)

I skipped last weeks burning question since I just don't have the answer to it yet... I haven't been feeling revolutionary, so I'm giving it more thought. I waited (im)patiently for this weeks. And then it came.. and I wanted to run. I felt Gut-Punched. Terrified. Frozen.

What Boat Do You Need to Burn?
I only have one boat! Its the boat I'm on. Its the boat I put my whole family on. Its the boat that I was counting on carrying us onward.

But then..
Do I want to stay afloat forever??
Wouldn't we fare better if we were on solid ground? If we were more independent.. somewhere that if there's a hole in the boat we wont sink? do we even have a life raft?? Good lord this is scary.
I'd rather just ignore it and keep floating along, right?? 
Right?? 


I cant un-hear it though. Its there. The call to land. The call to get somewhere steady and firm and where I can build my own thing. And all I can think now is: I have to get there soon. Before this old boat that is far too weighed down sinks. Before I go crazy from being at sea too long and steer all of us in never ending circles. And as soon as I arrive, I WILL burn that boat.. And I will Dance! Furiously, Joyfully, around the flames. I will let it warm my endeavors and offer up gratitude that it carried us that far.

Its not ready to be burned yet, I have yet to see land. And because of that, I cannot say what the name of my boat is. But the day that I set it aflame, I will invite you all to come dance in its glow and celebrate with me. Hopefully soon..
Brightly, and Beautifully, and Peacefully.

My Purpose for Money- refined.

On Monday, Danielle LaPorte posted her second question from "The Burning Question" series. I had anticipated it and had been waiting (not so patiently)... and then it came, and I was stumped, irritated, bothered, I felt resistance.. and because of that I knew : THIS was a question I HAD to answer. It was Vitally important to find my answer for this. It was something that would help me to grow and move forward. As usual she was right on target and delivered the gut punch that I needed right when I was in the right place in life to get it. 

The question was "What is your purpose for Money?". Not how much is enough.. although thats good to know too.. but what do you need that money for, what is the purpose behind it.. what would you do with it..   because once you have a why than the doing becomes easier.

It took me 4 full days. It was on my mind constantly.. almost irritatingly non-stop. I could have filled notebooks on notebooks with the things I was thinking and the details of the purpose I have for money, but I finally refined it down to this....

My Purpose for Money is summed up in one word: Freedom.

Freedom to work less and spend more time doing the things that matter while I still can.
Freedom to travel with my family while my children still see the magic in every new experience.
Freedom to not be tied to something that makes me miserable if that ever happens in my career.
Freedom to not worry about bills and where the next tank of gas, or grocery trip, or set of clothing for a growing child will come from.
Freedom to set things on AutoPay and forget about it knowing that there will always be enough.
Freedom to support artistry, and local commerce, and sustainable enterprise.
Freedom to Do anything that my soul feels longing for, or my body might benifit from.
Freedom to say "YES!" to opportunities when they arise. Be it lunch with a friend, or a trip to see a favorite artist.
Freedom to gift generously to family and friends whenever I feel moved to do so.
Freedom to pay forward some of the kindness I've been shown.
Freedom To invest in good photos, and art, and making things beautiful in my world.
Freedom to invest in myself  and my lover.

My purpose for Money... is to no longer feel trapped by it and controlled by how much I have or don't have..  but instead to feel that it is supporting me and helping free me from those things that are detracting from my purpose and bliss.

How I Want It All To Feel.

On of my Favorite On line personalities is a Sizzling Goddess named Danielle LaPorte. She recently Re-VAMP'd her site ( check it out @ daniellelaporte.com) and started something she calls the "Burning Question series".
This first one is "How do you want it all to feel? -Sensuous goal refinement and emotional magnetizing" How can you NOT dig a title like that. she's already posted her answers. So, Today's post.. I'll be answering some of my own.
Try it.. its feels incredible to explore answering these kinds of things in terms that are more tactile, less cerebral.

I want my day to feel like Dancing.
I want kissing to feel like Champagne 
I want my next success to feel like a Lioness feels watching her cubs.
I want my body to feel like Electricity
I want smiling to feel like Breathing.
I want my friendships to feel like an early morning business coffee buzz.
I want my nervous system to feel like Rose and sandalwood and Mint. All soothing and earthy and SHARP.
I want my job to feel like Fire
I want my home to feel like playing in a garden/park
I want my money-making to feel like gathering grapes to make wine.
I want my word to feel like a 100 year old tree 
I want my laughter to feel like Jumping on a trampoline when you're 9 years old
I want the end of the day to feel like warm thick slipper-socks
I want being of service to feel like working in a garden
I want my challenges to feel like the last 2 letters in a crossword puzzle. 
I want my love to feel like Sparkling Burgundy.. Rich and Thick and Sparkling and better the more it ages , with lots of flavor and a nice buzz afterward.
I want my ideas to feel like crushed ice.

Wow. I'm sure that some of you will have no idea what I mean by some of those answers. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I'm not abstract enough.  Try it.. I'll be interested to see what you come up with.

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Tonight I want sleep to feel like sinking into a warm bath with Ginger tea.

<3 -Arie

I must be insane.

Or at least mildly unstable, because I just entered my friends A-Z blogging challenge.
So, in the month of April I will be writing a spectacular amount of really poorly thought out blog posts. And probably a few decent ones too.. so, if you want to stick around for the decent ones than you'll just have to put up with the shit. Sorry.
I normally have a hard time finding time to write 1 blog post per week.. hopefully  I don't fail so superbly that they ban me from all future blogging challenges.
Stay tuned.. or not. I wouldn't blame ya. I'm not sure I want to see what kind of daily insanity I come up with.
If you want to join the fun too, you can do so at




Now go visit the other blogs that are involved to find something that's actually worth reading.
While you're there, be sure to check out my friend Shannon's blog- The Warrior Muse. #6 on the bloghop list. She's awesome.

How to create an argument out of thin air. with step by step instructions.

I had one of those "stop being such a psychotic mess" moments today. I'm hoping it will hold over and change some of my behaviors because it was a lesson I needed.

Yesterday, after a very long work day and a couple hours of running errands along with a few minor disappointments and some sleep deprivation.. I was trying hard to be "nice".

I sent my husband out for a few hours with friends. He needed to guy time, and to get out of the house. I was fine with this. I did however still need to go to the store. So, I asked him when he'd be home." 10? 10:30? 11:00?  Because I still need to go to the store..."

He said.. 10:30/11. 

And this is where things started to go wrong..

1- I told myself that since I'd noted at the end of the question that I still needed to go to the store he would obviously know the earlier the better and 11 would be pushing it a little.

2- I set an expectation for him that he would be home closer to 10:30, and didn't tell him about it.

3- I assumed that My priorities would automatically become his priorities without me ever letting him know what they were ( crazy much?)

Moving on.. I'm going about my night with little to no issue. kids are being decent even got them to go lay down in bed with hardly any trouble. I should have been over the moon happy and relaxed. Instead, this is how my night played out .

10:15- I catch a glimpse of the clock and start a mental 15 minute count down to when my husband will be home IF he cares about me.

10:30- G is still not home. I remember that he'd said 10:30/11, but he KNEW that I needed to go to the store and so he must just not give a shit.

10:45- I now have decided, in my own mind, that since he obviously doesn't care that I've been up since 6 am. worked 11 hrs, had tons to do and then had the kids for the last 2.5 hours and STILL HAVE TO GO TO THE STORE then OBVIOUSLY  he wont care enough to show up by eleven.

10:53- G arrives. I am waiting, ready to jump all over him about being late, but since he's NOT technically late, I give him a " cutting it close, aren't you?"

10:57- G goes to the store FOR me since I am so tired and pissy.

11:25- I am still super angry at G( for doing exactly what He'd agreed to and then helping me with the store problem) so I start trying to talk to him about me needing him to be observant and thoughtful. (WTF??)

12:00- G is tired of me trying to make him feel bad for doing exactly what he said he would. And I'm still mad that my expectations weren't met so I go to bed and cant sleep for 2 hours. 

12:20 G comes to bed and falls asleep promptly. I get even MORE angry at how unfair it is that he can just Fall asleep like that. I lay awake thinking things like "Fuck you and your sleeping. why the hell do you think you can just come lay down and sleep while I'm over here mad at you and not sleeping. I should kick you repeatedly so that you cant sleep too. Look at you and your stupid smug sleeping. you think you're SO much better than me, and you deserve ALL the sleep."

Wake up this morning, STILL ANGRY. However, G is being very nice to me and I'm finding that I'm having conversations in my head like " Screw you and your niceness. I am mad at you, and I know you're only being nice so you can get out of me being mad at you for an appropriate length of time" I'm also having to put effort into STAYING upset.

Yes, you read that right. I was putting EFFORT into STAYING UPSET!

So here comes the part where I have a moment of self realization and feel like a HUGE dumb ass.

I was watching some youtube videos of a energy healer that I just ran across ( Carol Tuttle. Check her out. So far I'm impressed.) and she was talking about the stories we tell our self and how we actually actively work to make those stories true instead of just processing whats Happening... 

LIGHT BULB!! (said in the voice of gru)

It was more important for the story I was telling myself to be RIGHT, than it was for me to be HAPPY!

Holy shit! Talk about a slap in the face! Then I started thinking about other situations.. and yup. most of the huge DAYS long problems or arguments, people who I have a hard time getting along with, issues with my kids, difficulties in general.. 

I manufactured them myself. I created them because...

It was more important to me to be right, than to be happy. 

I really don't know why that's the case, or how to fix it yet.. but I will figure it out, because I'd much rather be happy. Also, I'm pretty sure my need to be right was more important to me than OTHER people being happy, and that's just... well...... 

Bitchy! 

So here's to self realization, and happier days.. even if it means I'm *gasp* WRONG....... sometimes. ;)


PS. G just called to inform me that I had SUCH a mental need to make him wrong and me right, that I actually managed to type the times wrong thus reinforcing the story that he was late. yeah... I did that. and then missed it on the proofread. so now it's edited with the right times.

2012 was an EPIC year!

2012 was one of the best years I've ever had.
There were lots of changes, and lots of challenges.
I forced myself out of my comfort zone and worked on some changes in both my personal and professional lives.
I made spending more time with my kids a priority and we are a closer family because of it.
I was able to take some time off to go on a few trips, and we have wonderful memories because of it.
I found my ability to just have fun again by learning to let other people be in charge sometimes.
My Husband and I grew closer and are getting better and better at navigating conversations without arguing.
I was able to devote more time to doing healing and spiritual work and that gave us more financial freedom than we had the years previous.
We made great strides in cleaning up our family finances.
I spent more time with my extended family, especially my Mom and Sister.
We ate healthier this year, and learned even more about how to use natural resources to impact our healing and overall wellness.
I ran my first 5K. Very exciting!!
2012 was a Fiery Passionate Year, just like I expected the dragon year to be.

There were lots of other things that happened, good AND bad. But overall 2012 was one of the best years I've ever had, and the most Fun and challenging. I feel ready to meet the coming year head on and cant wait to see what 2013 brings!

How was YOUR year in 2012? Tell me all about it!

(Credit goes to Dan from SDL for the idea)