Saturday, March 31, 2012

Whats your relationship to excitment? - The Burning Question Series

Well... My relationship to excitement is detached.

I'm not one to get all "woohoo!!!" about things.

I used to be. My kids are. My husband is. I am the sole and solitary sound of realism in my house.

At work.. well, there are very few things to be excited about. I've felt for a long time that if you don't get too excited, than you don't get too disappointed. 

I'm the solid, reasonable, steady person in my home, in my social circles. This has served me, and those around me, well. At least I thought it has.

In reality, maybe it has dampened my enthusiasm. Maybe I've become less passionate about things. Maybe I burn less brightly than I should because I am so far "down to earth". Maybe I murder the fun in my home sometimes.. and limit myself to ideas that are less exciting but more realistic.

Is that what I want? What I really, deep down, firing from the ground up, want

So my real answer this week is:

My relationship to excitement is damaged... and I need to set about fixing it right away.
Starting with little things, like getting really excited about Easter.. and Passover ( Mmm Curry).. and dinner.. and new episodes of favorite shows.. and other things that ( if I let them) make my soul say "WooHoo!" just a little. 


Monday, March 5, 2012

The Boat I Need To Burn ( as soon as I arrive)

I skipped last weeks burning question since I just don't have the answer to it yet... I haven't been feeling revolutionary, so I'm giving it more thought. I waited (im)patiently for this weeks. And then it came.. and I wanted to run. I felt Gut-Punched. Terrified. Frozen.

What Boat Do You Need to Burn?
I only have one boat! Its the boat I'm on. Its the boat I put my whole family on. Its the boat that I was counting on carrying us onward.

But then..
Do I want to stay afloat forever??
Wouldn't we fare better if we were on solid ground? If we were more independent.. somewhere that if there's a hole in the boat we wont sink? do we even have a life raft?? Good lord this is scary.
I'd rather just ignore it and keep floating along, right?? 

I cant un-hear it though. Its there. The call to land. The call to get somewhere steady and firm and where I can build my own thing. And all I can think now is: I have to get there soon. Before this old boat that is far too weighed down sinks. Before I go crazy from being at sea too long and steer all of us in never ending circles. And as soon as I arrive, I WILL burn that boat.. And I will Dance! Furiously, Joyfully, around the flames. I will let it warm my endeavors and offer up gratitude that it carried us that far.

Its not ready to be burned yet, I have yet to see land. And because of that, I cannot say what the name of my boat is. But the day that I set it aflame, I will invite you all to come dance in its glow and celebrate with me. Hopefully soon..
Brightly, and Beautifully, and Peacefully.