* thru the looking glass* I'm back, but I'm not the same.

I haven't posted here since 2012. Life got crazy after that point. lots of change.
Let me catch you up. 

-I attempted to get over some major betrayal, and gave my marriage the very best I could, including becoming the sole income earner for our household.

-We moved across town to a home owned by my husbands family and the kids have thrived in their new schools.

- I became really really discontent with my career and life.

- I worked thru Danielle LaPorte's "Desire Map" program.

- I got even more discontent once I figured out that nothing I was doing aligned with how I wanted to feel in my life.

-I burned the boat I needed to... Left my stable position at IHOP to go to Massage Therapy School, without a back up plan for work and still being the main bread winner for our household.

- I managed to find the best PT job possible, closer to home, and workable with school.

- I graduated via pure grit and determination.

- I bought a Massage Business from an instructor of mine before I'd even passed my boards. Running on faith at this point.

- I passed my boards.

- I worked my ass off for a year to pay off the business I'd bought and bring in new clients.

- I gained confidence in my self.

- When things started to turn to shit in my personal life I dug in harder trying to control things and make things that weren't workable work. * pro tip... this is a bad idea.

- Lots of deaths and loss and anger and bitterness and resentment and also a lot of wins and joys and growth and love.

- The kids are bigger now and more independent and all in school and turning into the coolest little people.

- There were a bunch of times I didn't trust myself that something was off with my husband... I'd invested a lot into making things work and I didn't want what I knew was true to be true.

- Eventually he stepped out one too many times and I caught him again.. this time he was " in love"... but still I tried. obviously that didn't work, so over the last year we've worked thru it and are in the final stages of the divorce process.

- We are still living in the same home, co-parenting and co-existing as best we can. We are good friends and I want to support his adventures in finding himself and what he needs to be happy. I can do this better not being married to him.

- I have learned that there's not really anything I cant handle. Everything is figure-out-able, but not always in the way you'd planned or hoped, and sometimes loving someone isn't enough.

- I have confidence in my ability to support myself and my kids no matter what. I have what it takes to make my life work beautifully even if it looks strange to other people. I am tough as nails.

- I will never be the same person as I was last month, or last year, or 6 years ago, or even yesterday... every day it about growth and learning and change.

- I have learned that I have the best friends that anyone could ever ask for. My Family is included in that.

- I've learned that being nice isn't always the best way to be, sometimes being kind is better and it doesn't always look like " Nice".

- I'm still a bitch, lowercase b.. because some things DON'T change.