I haven't posted here since 2012. Life got crazy after that point. lots of change.
Let me catch you up.
-I attempted to get over some major betrayal, and gave my marriage the very best I could, including becoming the sole income earner for our household.
-We moved across town to a home owned by my husbands family and the kids have thrived in their new schools.
- I became really really discontent with my career and life.
- I worked thru Danielle LaPorte's "Desire Map" program.
- I got even more discontent once I figured out that nothing I was doing aligned with how I wanted to feel in my life.
-I burned the boat I needed to... Left my stable position at IHOP to go to Massage Therapy School, without a back up plan for work and still being the main bread winner for our household.
- I managed to find the best PT job possible, closer to home, and workable with school.
- I graduated via pure grit and determination.
- I bought a Massage Business from an instructor of mine before I'd even passed my boards. Running on faith at this point.
- I passed my boards.
- I worked my ass off for a year to pay off the business I'd bought and bring in new clients.
- I gained confidence in my self.
- When things started to turn to shit in my personal life I dug in harder trying to control things and make things that weren't workable work. * pro tip... this is a bad idea.
- Lots of deaths and loss and anger and bitterness and resentment and also a lot of wins and joys and growth and love.
- The kids are bigger now and more independent and all in school and turning into the coolest little people.
- There were a bunch of times I didn't trust myself that something was off with my husband... I'd invested a lot into making things work and I didn't want what I knew was true to be true.
- Eventually he stepped out one too many times and I caught him again.. this time he was " in love"... but still I tried. obviously that didn't work, so over the last year we've worked thru it and are in the final stages of the divorce process.
- We are still living in the same home, co-parenting and co-existing as best we can. We are good friends and I want to support his adventures in finding himself and what he needs to be happy. I can do this better not being married to him.
- I have learned that there's not really anything I cant handle. Everything is figure-out-able, but not always in the way you'd planned or hoped, and sometimes loving someone isn't enough.
- I have confidence in my ability to support myself and my kids no matter what. I have what it takes to make my life work beautifully even if it looks strange to other people. I am tough as nails.
- I will never be the same person as I was last month, or last year, or 6 years ago, or even yesterday... every day it about growth and learning and change.
- I have learned that I have the best friends that anyone could ever ask for. My Family is included in that.
- I've learned that being nice isn't always the best way to be, sometimes being kind is better and it doesn't always look like " Nice".
- I'm still a bitch, lowercase b.. because some things DON'T change.