Give yourself permission.

Do it! 
Right now!

What do you need?

Give yourself permission to do that.

Do you need a day off from everything?
Shut off your phone, leave town, lock the door, rent a hotel room, put your email on vacation. Take a real day off. You have permission.

Do you need to make a stand with someone?
Collect your thoughts. speak plainly and kindly. Set healthy boundaries. Make your self clear. You have permission.

Do you need to take care of something for you?
Call and make the appointment. Buy the item. You have permission.

Do you feel liberated yet? 
You are set free. 

You don't need any one's permission but your own. You are always the one in charge of you. No one else is making your choices for you.

Go make those decisions. You always have permission.. if you give it to yourself.

Fierce Friends.

You know that saying, that people are lucky if they have a handful of true and loyal friends over the course of their lifetime?

I must be the luckiest person in the world.

I have so many friends!
Friends that are good for just chatting with and talking up a storm about anything.
Some that are fun to go out for coffee with and talk about music.
Friends that are good to go shopping with.
Friends that are good for long phone conversations.
Old friends that I miss and would like to talk to more.
Friends that have all different kind so skills and careers.
Friends that have so many different view points on things.
Friends that are exhausting, but so wonderful and amazing in their own unique ways.
Friends that are mild, and understated, but are there for you when it truly counts.

But there are a few more that are just something.. different.
Some of them I've never met in real life. Some of them I know through this incredible invention .. online life.
Some of these friends I've known since I was young.. and they're still around..
This handful of friends, probably 8-10 in all, are FIERCE.

These friends are the ones that I could not talk to for years.. but if I really needed them? They'd be there.
Friends that would drop anything to talk to me in a crisis... and would tell me what I need to hear even if I don't want to hear it.
Friends who will always get excited with me about my newest "thing", and believe in me. Even when I don't.
Friends who know I'd do the same for them.

I know I'm lucky in this regard. I live a very blessed life, by the grace and giving of other people.

I think the reason I have such good friends is because I try to be a good friend first. If someone is important to me I treat  them like family. I don't let them go without. I make sure they know I'm there, and even when they're too busy to keep in touch I reach out to them.
But that doesn't account for all of it. Somehow, Someway, I managed to hit the friendship jackpot. And for that, I'm thankful every day.

Easter is..

A weird holiday in our house.

When I was a kid it started out normal enough. We did the nice new church outfits, and went to Easter church services, we had visits from the Easter Bunny, and we did the eggs hunts and baskets filled with candy and all that nonsense.

Then, we got into health food.. so the candy turned into educational toys, and maybe some "all natural" treats.

Then we got really poor, and the whole thing turned into church, a letter and our favorite candy bar from mom, and our early morning Easter hike to watch the sunrise. Which was oddly nice, and very stress free.



Then when my parents started studying Passover.. they decided that it was going to be incorporated into our Easter celebration. the first year there was a massive cleaning out of all the yeast and other leavening in the house, and a full on lock down of the house at sundown.

Since that point they've found a nice little groove.. where they can keep their lovely tradition of going on their sunrise walk, they go to church, and then they have their Passover Seder  ( minus the cleaning out of the whole house, and the lock down). It's probably my favorite holiday with my family, and its the meal I look forward to most every year.

So with my own kids, I do the baskets and candy ( although with a bit or restriction since Grayson can't have artificial dyes) and we dye eggs.. and we go on egg hunts.. and then I work in the evenings ( hazard of working in the food industry).

We're not a church going family at our house.. but we still go to my parents house and we have the Passover Seder every year. Rich with singing, and reading bible verse, and kids hunting for hunks of bread ( yes, really!), and just small ritual portions of food until, more than an hour later, we get to eat dinner. we don't always have it on the right day.. but we plan it around when we can all be there.. I'd say its become out most important family holiday, the one that takes highest priority. Definitely the one that I place the most importance on being able to attend.

And we're not even remotely Jewish.

And I'm not even remotely religious.

And I'm OK with that.. because the whole thing is beautiful. And even if I'm not a card carrying church goer, I can appreciate the rich history and the beauty of tradition, and story telling.

For me, that's what Easter is about.

That, and curried lamb.

Dividing my time.

Been thinking a lot lately about work/life balance, and making sure that things are prioritized properly, which leads to my short post and a question for today..

Ideally I'd love to see things balanced out 25% work, 25% kids, 25% husband, 25% Me for my waking hours.

It was more like 50% Work, 30% Kids 15% Husband 5% Me.. so I made some adjustments because I thought my work was taking away from my time with the family. re prioritized some things there.. and right about now we have about..

40% Work, 35% Kids, 20% Husband, and 5% Me.

As you can see we made some headway in all areas except one...

So, is this normal? Are all working moms in this vortex of  "time exists only for other people"?

Sometimes I wonder if other people have a system for dividing their time, that makes all this and time to regroup and decompress possible, and its some crazy secret that you have to be told.. and then a light bulb goes on, and you're instantly able to do it all and still have time to relax.. because I swear I know people who know how, but they're not telling.

what do you think? how's your time division worked out?

oh, and PS.. if you know the secret to getting it all done and still having time, send it to me. I promise I wont tell.

Have a Coke and a Smile ( C is for cop out)

I'm sitting here, stressed out ( life got the better of me today), trying to figure out what to post about for A to Z today, with 20 minutes left in the day. Yeah... its been one of those days. and I work at 5:30 am... and then I decided to take the low road. Cop out a little.. and just share some things that I like that start with the letter C.. and at the top of that list?

COKE!


I will actually choose what restaurant to eat at based on if they have Coke or Pepsi. I will drink almost anything ( other than diet) instead of another cola. and I have a hierarchy of coke products too.. Cherry Coke is at the bottom of that list, then Vanilla Coke, then Classic Coke, then Classic Coke with Lime, then Mexican Coke, then Mexican coke with lime, then at the top of the list.. Coke mixed with Crown Royal ( hey, Momma gets to relax sometimes too.).
I am a Beverage snob.
Since I work in a restaurant I am aware that I'm not the only person with this oddity. Other people are just as snobbish about their beverages as I am. This helps me feel validated and like I'm justified in being a picky bitch, which is great ( I think).

Coffee!
Are you sensing a theme here?

I probably drink a good pot and a half of this wonderful substance every. single. day.
I like it strong but with cream. and I'm talking the real kind. not the non-dairy crap.
If you're wondering exactly HOW MUCH I love my coffee.. please refer back to my post http://thenicestbitchyouknow.blogspot.com/2011/09/coffee-is-like-10000-or-sometimes-i-am.html Here. It will explain a bit about it. ;)

And so you have something lovely to listen to on your way to bed.. here are two very different but both equally enjoyed Artists to listen to. Both starting with C.

Boys, Boys, Boys.

For the people who are new here, I am the only female in a house filled with boys.

I have 4 boys ( and I'm married to one too), all very unique, and all very wonderful ( at least, I think so), but still.. all very, very, boyish.

I would not trade them for girls in a millions years. Don't get me wrong, they come with their own set of issues. Everything I own is dirty, dented, broken, loud, and smelly.. also a lot of it is electronic. However, there's something about boys and their ability to be real.

For all the shit that people ( mostly girls/women) talk about boys/men, there is just something special about them.

They are so willing to be themselves. They aren't afraid to be competitive, to show drive, to get dirty, to break things trying to figure out how something works, to get hurt.. again, and again, and again. And when they aren't told that they have to be reserved, and tough, and not show emotion.. they also aren't afraid to be gentle, and kind, and helpful, and loving.

Girls with all their manipulation, and games, and the way they are trained by their peers, early on, that they have to be sneaky and ruthless to get anywhere in life.. its scary. I know what girls learn and talk about and do.I am one.

Now I just have to figure out a good way to teach my boys how to spot the ones who will beat them down and manipulate them before they get old enough that its too late..

Luckily I have a husband who is just the right amount of  "Boy" still, that he can help them hang on to that.. and hopefully I'll be able to hang onto their sweet boyishness for a good long time yet.

Now I'm off to sleep with the sounds of my two middle boys having a singing fight over who loves Mommy more, while they were killing zombies on roblox, still echoing in my mind. :)

Anger Vs. Frustration ( I'm not angry but I'm getting there..)

Anger.


This is a topic I've been meaning to pick apart for a little while. It fascinates me that I have such a narrow definition of what anger is when I'm feeling it, and so many other peoples definition seems much broader.

There are many cousins to it that I feel often... and apparently those come across as anger to many people in my immediate firing range.
Irritation, Aggravation, and most often Frustration seem to fall into the broader category of  "Anger" for most of the people in my life. For me, they fall under the umbrella of  "Upset" but each have distinct differences.

I love accuracy, and precise definition. Frustration and Anger are not at all the same thing in my world.. and Lord help the man ( or woman) who tells me that I'm angry when I am, in fact, not.
If there is anything that will get me Angry in a hot second , it would be someone else telling me how I'm feeling. I'm a relatively self aware person 90% of the time, and I know when I'm angry, and when I'm not.


Its almost like a comical self fulfilling prophecy ( or in this case, self fulfilling accusation) because once someone tells me that I need to stop acting or being so angry about something.. there's about a 30 second length of time where you can fix it before I get angry and all Hell breaks loose.

So, What do you think? Is there a definite distinction between Anger and the other emotions that fall under that umbrella of "upset"? Or is Angry in the eye of the beholder?