Boys, Boys, Boys.

For the people who are new here, I am the only female in a house filled with boys.

I have 4 boys ( and I'm married to one too), all very unique, and all very wonderful ( at least, I think so), but still.. all very, very, boyish.

I would not trade them for girls in a millions years. Don't get me wrong, they come with their own set of issues. Everything I own is dirty, dented, broken, loud, and smelly.. also a lot of it is electronic. However, there's something about boys and their ability to be real.

For all the shit that people ( mostly girls/women) talk about boys/men, there is just something special about them.

They are so willing to be themselves. They aren't afraid to be competitive, to show drive, to get dirty, to break things trying to figure out how something works, to get hurt.. again, and again, and again. And when they aren't told that they have to be reserved, and tough, and not show emotion.. they also aren't afraid to be gentle, and kind, and helpful, and loving.

Girls with all their manipulation, and games, and the way they are trained by their peers, early on, that they have to be sneaky and ruthless to get anywhere in life.. its scary. I know what girls learn and talk about and do.I am one.

Now I just have to figure out a good way to teach my boys how to spot the ones who will beat them down and manipulate them before they get old enough that its too late..

Luckily I have a husband who is just the right amount of  "Boy" still, that he can help them hang on to that.. and hopefully I'll be able to hang onto their sweet boyishness for a good long time yet.

Now I'm off to sleep with the sounds of my two middle boys having a singing fight over who loves Mommy more, while they were killing zombies on roblox, still echoing in my mind. :)

Anger Vs. Frustration ( I'm not angry but I'm getting there..)

Anger.


This is a topic I've been meaning to pick apart for a little while. It fascinates me that I have such a narrow definition of what anger is when I'm feeling it, and so many other peoples definition seems much broader.

There are many cousins to it that I feel often... and apparently those come across as anger to many people in my immediate firing range.
Irritation, Aggravation, and most often Frustration seem to fall into the broader category of  "Anger" for most of the people in my life. For me, they fall under the umbrella of  "Upset" but each have distinct differences.

I love accuracy, and precise definition. Frustration and Anger are not at all the same thing in my world.. and Lord help the man ( or woman) who tells me that I'm angry when I am, in fact, not.
If there is anything that will get me Angry in a hot second , it would be someone else telling me how I'm feeling. I'm a relatively self aware person 90% of the time, and I know when I'm angry, and when I'm not.


Its almost like a comical self fulfilling prophecy ( or in this case, self fulfilling accusation) because once someone tells me that I need to stop acting or being so angry about something.. there's about a 30 second length of time where you can fix it before I get angry and all Hell breaks loose.

So, What do you think? Is there a definite distinction between Anger and the other emotions that fall under that umbrella of "upset"? Or is Angry in the eye of the beholder?

Whats your relationship to excitment? - The Burning Question Series

Well... My relationship to excitement is detached.

I'm not one to get all "woohoo!!!" about things.

I used to be. My kids are. My husband is. I am the sole and solitary sound of realism in my house.

At work.. well, there are very few things to be excited about. I've felt for a long time that if you don't get too excited, than you don't get too disappointed. 


I'm the solid, reasonable, steady person in my home, in my social circles. This has served me, and those around me, well. At least I thought it has.

In reality, maybe it has dampened my enthusiasm. Maybe I've become less passionate about things. Maybe I burn less brightly than I should because I am so far "down to earth". Maybe I murder the fun in my home sometimes.. and limit myself to ideas that are less exciting but more realistic.

Is that what I want? What I really, deep down, firing from the ground up, want? 


So my real answer this week is:


My relationship to excitement is damaged... and I need to set about fixing it right away.
Starting with little things, like getting really excited about Easter.. and Passover ( Mmm Curry).. and dinner.. and new episodes of favorite shows.. and other things that ( if I let them) make my soul say "WooHoo!" just a little. 





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The Boat I Need To Burn ( as soon as I arrive)

I skipped last weeks burning question since I just don't have the answer to it yet... I haven't been feeling revolutionary, so I'm giving it more thought. I waited (im)patiently for this weeks. And then it came.. and I wanted to run. I felt Gut-Punched. Terrified. Frozen.

What Boat Do You Need to Burn?
I only have one boat! Its the boat I'm on. Its the boat I put my whole family on. Its the boat that I was counting on carrying us onward.

But then..
Do I want to stay afloat forever??
Wouldn't we fare better if we were on solid ground? If we were more independent.. somewhere that if there's a hole in the boat we wont sink? do we even have a life raft?? Good lord this is scary.
I'd rather just ignore it and keep floating along, right?? 
Right?? 


I cant un-hear it though. Its there. The call to land. The call to get somewhere steady and firm and where I can build my own thing. And all I can think now is: I have to get there soon. Before this old boat that is far too weighed down sinks. Before I go crazy from being at sea too long and steer all of us in never ending circles. And as soon as I arrive, I WILL burn that boat.. And I will Dance! Furiously, Joyfully, around the flames. I will let it warm my endeavors and offer up gratitude that it carried us that far.

Its not ready to be burned yet, I have yet to see land. And because of that, I cannot say what the name of my boat is. But the day that I set it aflame, I will invite you all to come dance in its glow and celebrate with me. Hopefully soon..
Brightly, and Beautifully, and Peacefully.

My Purpose for Money- refined.

On Monday, Danielle LaPorte posted her second question from "The Burning Question" series. I had anticipated it and had been waiting (not so patiently)... and then it came, and I was stumped, irritated, bothered, I felt resistance.. and because of that I knew : THIS was a question I HAD to answer. It was Vitally important to find my answer for this. It was something that would help me to grow and move forward. As usual she was right on target and delivered the gut punch that I needed right when I was in the right place in life to get it. 

The question was "What is your purpose for Money?". Not how much is enough.. although thats good to know too.. but what do you need that money for, what is the purpose behind it.. what would you do with it..   because once you have a why than the doing becomes easier.

It took me 4 full days. It was on my mind constantly.. almost irritatingly non-stop. I could have filled notebooks on notebooks with the things I was thinking and the details of the purpose I have for money, but I finally refined it down to this....

My Purpose for Money is summed up in one word: Freedom.

Freedom to work less and spend more time doing the things that matter while I still can.
Freedom to travel with my family while my children still see the magic in every new experience.
Freedom to not be tied to something that makes me miserable if that ever happens in my career.
Freedom to not worry about bills and where the next tank of gas, or grocery trip, or set of clothing for a growing child will come from.
Freedom to set things on AutoPay and forget about it knowing that there will always be enough.
Freedom to support artistry, and local commerce, and sustainable enterprise.
Freedom to Do anything that my soul feels longing for, or my body might benifit from.
Freedom to say "YES!" to opportunities when they arise. Be it lunch with a friend, or a trip to see a favorite artist.
Freedom to gift generously to family and friends whenever I feel moved to do so.
Freedom to pay forward some of the kindness I've been shown.
Freedom To invest in good photos, and art, and making things beautiful in my world.
Freedom to invest in myself  and my lover.

My purpose for Money... is to no longer feel trapped by it and controlled by how much I have or don't have..  but instead to feel that it is supporting me and helping free me from those things that are detracting from my purpose and bliss.

How I Want It All To Feel.

On of my Favorite On line personalities is a Sizzling Goddess named Danielle LaPorte. She recently Re-VAMP'd her site ( check it out @ daniellelaporte.com) and started something she calls the "Burning Question series".
This first one is "How do you want it all to feel? -Sensuous goal refinement and emotional magnetizing" How can you NOT dig a title like that. she's already posted her answers. So, Today's post.. I'll be answering some of my own.
Try it.. its feels incredible to explore answering these kinds of things in terms that are more tactile, less cerebral.

I want my day to feel like Dancing.
I want kissing to feel like Champagne 
I want my next success to feel like a Lioness feels watching her cubs.
I want my body to feel like Electricity
I want smiling to feel like Breathing.
I want my friendships to feel like an early morning business coffee buzz.
I want my nervous system to feel like Rose and sandalwood and Mint. All soothing and earthy and SHARP.
I want my job to feel like Fire
I want my home to feel like playing in a garden/park
I want my money-making to feel like gathering grapes to make wine.
I want my word to feel like a 100 year old tree 
I want my laughter to feel like Jumping on a trampoline when you're 9 years old
I want the end of the day to feel like warm thick slipper-socks
I want being of service to feel like working in a garden
I want my challenges to feel like the last 2 letters in a crossword puzzle. 
I want my love to feel like Sparkling Burgundy.. Rich and Thick and Sparkling and better the more it ages , with lots of flavor and a nice buzz afterward.
I want my ideas to feel like crushed ice.

Wow. I'm sure that some of you will have no idea what I mean by some of those answers. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I'm not abstract enough.  Try it.. I'll be interested to see what you come up with.

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Tonight I want sleep to feel like sinking into a warm bath with Ginger tea.

<3 -Arie

I must be insane.

Or at least mildly unstable, because I just entered my friends A-Z blogging challenge.
So, in the month of April I will be writing a spectacular amount of really poorly thought out blog posts. And probably a few decent ones too.. so, if you want to stick around for the decent ones than you'll just have to put up with the shit. Sorry.
I normally have a hard time finding time to write 1 blog post per week.. hopefully  I don't fail so superbly that they ban me from all future blogging challenges.
Stay tuned.. or not. I wouldn't blame ya. I'm not sure I want to see what kind of daily insanity I come up with.
If you want to join the fun too, you can do so at




Now go visit the other blogs that are involved to find something that's actually worth reading.
While you're there, be sure to check out my friend Shannon's blog- The Warrior Muse. #6 on the bloghop list. She's awesome.